Crap Joke of the Day™ #77

Hello, crap joke fans. We hope you are well.

We’ve become rather obsessed with the interweb of late. As regular Crap Joke of the Day™ readers will know, we recently launched a Pinterest board to showcase some of the finest ‘so bad it’s good humour’ in image form. The response to the launch has been astonishingly lukewarm.

Meanwhile, engagement with our fans on Facebook and Twitter has continued apace – we were particularly proud that UK fashion chain Joy is a fan of CJotD and saw fit to Tweet about us last month. We are very grateful.

But, in our endless search for inspiration, we have started to look further afield than these thoroughly splendid and tremendous social media networking sites. We were particularly pleased to stumble upon a lovely little blog called Wearing My Bicycle Jumper. Delightfully, the author of this site also saw fit to mention Crap Joke of the Day™ – and we are honoured that they did.

In light of all the amusement and frivolity that apparently lies in wait out there on the web, we have decided to formally advertise for a new role in our research team – a role entirely devoted to finding the very best bad joke stimulus available in the digisphere. If you are interested in becoming the official CJotD Interweb Superhighway Investigator (pay grade 2), please send your CV with a short covering note of no more than 100 words to us here.

But no more mucking around: here’s today’s amusement. Enjoy.

Did you hear about the man who was rushed into surgery this morning after six toy horses were found up his rear end?
Doctors have described his condition as stable.

Another one of those, same time tomorrow.

Crap Joke of the Day™ #76

Hark! Forsooth, we hath been enjoying the finest of Shakespearean pentameter today. We beseech you: join us, join us as we doth celebrate the bard’s day of birth.

Yes, it seems the CJotD Shakespearean phrase generator® is a little off its game today, but nonetheless we here at HQ have been marking the birthday of England’s finest playwright with typical energy and verve. Aside from the obligatory fancy dress (our IT team came as Elizabethan wenches and were quite the picture) and the Tudor catering, the highlight of the day was no doubt our head of creativity’s lone performance of Hamlet. He worked from the 1623 First Folio text – it was quite some five and a half hours.

For those of you outside the UK, news bulletins here yesterday were full of celebrations happening up and down the country on the matter. We were slightly puzzled at the development, as we were under the distinct impression that William’s real birthday is unknown. The official CJotD historian has assured us that we can only be sure about Shakespeare’s baptism date: 26 April, two days from now.

Not wanting to be left behind however, we brought hastily convened the CJotD events committee who brought our celebrations forward to today. And, of course, we have a highly relevant crap joke (made even more pertinent by the wet and chilly weather we Londoners have suffered of late) to round off the revelry. Enjoy.

It might be cold and rainy, but I’ve decided to put up a marquee in my garden with some funky music and flashing lights in it.
Now is the winter of my disco tent.

Another one of those, same time tomorrow.

Crap Joke of the Day™ #75

Welcome to Monday, crap joke fans. We hope you had great weekends.

It’s been a fairly quiet Monday, although the rather hushed atmosphere was briefly interrupted this morning to celebrate the achievements of a member of the Crap Joke of the Day™ public relations team.

The individual in question  is one of our graduate trainees. Yesterday he completed the London marathon, earning thousands of pounds for a local charity.

It’s a remarkable achievement, especially since he has spent much of the previous few months drinking copious amounts of lager and munching through huge numbers of sweets stolen from the CJotD brainstorming rooms. Colleagues were all the more surprised by his success in light of his generally carefree and apathetic demeanour.

CJotD congratulated him on his achievement in the only way we knew how: with a cake in the shape of the 1993 London marathon winner, moustached British athletics hero Eamonn Martin.

Anyway – onto today’s hilarity. Sadly the drawer containing jokes filed in the ‘long distance track and field events’ category in our archive facility is stuck closed at the moment (and George has misplaced his WD40), so we’ve had to search for topicality elsewhere. And where better to look than the current race for the French presidency? No doubt you’ve been eagerly watching on the news.

Enjoy.

Why do all French people want to hug Obama?
Because President Sarkozy.

Another one of those, same time tomorrow.

Crap Joke of the Day™ #74

After the drama and delight of smashing through the 100,000 visits barrier yesterday – and the celebratory drinks that followed – today’s CJotD will be necessarily brief. There are a few sore heads at HQ today.

We’ve received particular praise for ‘so bad they’re good’ jokes that focus on wordplay of late, so we decided to place punnery at the heart of today’s glorious two-liner.

We’re confident you’ll love it.

I found myself drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda yesterday.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

Another one of those, same time tomorrow.

Crap Joke of the Day™ #73

Sound the claxons and crash the cymbals; bring forth a trumpet fanfare fit for prophets and kings. For CJotD has passed another milestone.

Today we celebrate Crap Joke of the Day™ smashing through the 100,000 visits barrier. We now stand alone, towering over the former giants of the bad joke industry (including late great, frequentbadgoodjokes2U.com) as a colossus.

We could not have done it without you. Many legends of the badjokesphere© have fallen by the wayside, cast into the ‘so bad it’s good’ scrapheap by fan apathy, crap joke mediocrity or economic uncertainty. But without doubt it is your laughter, joke submissions, posts on Facebook, tweets on Twitter and pins on Pinterest that have propelled us to these heady heights.

We’re closing the office early and heading to our local public house to celebrate, but we demand that you share in the acclaim. Turn to the person sitting opposite you at work and let them know what a great job you’ve done, what a great community you’re a part of.

And then enjoy this subtle but witty two-liner.

Q. How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
A. Eclipse.

Another one of those, same time tomorrow.