Picture this. It’s 29 April, 1985. Oddly-spectacled Dennis Taylor has crumbled in the face of snooker-based genius Steve Davis, finding himself seven frames to none down in the final of the world snooker championships.
Davis was on fire. He was a god of the green baize: a modern Achilles brandishing a maple spear. Taylor looked every bit the vanquished Trojan warrior. His fans looked on, tutting.
No-one thought Davis’ mistake in frame eight would mean anything. But, hours later, Taylor had achieved the impossible, besting the world champion on a respotted black in the deciding frame. As he lifted snooker’s greatest trophy above his head, he stood astride the world an unlikely hero.
This was the greatest comeback of all time. Until now.
As you’ll know, loyal CJotD reader, by April we had published 29 glorious mirth-makers. Popularity was soaring. But with popularity came a relentless demand for ever more ground-breaking two liners. Buckling under the rising tide of expectation, the system broke. An incident involving our office runner, some new-fangled highlighter pens and an overheating photocopier led to a raging inferno that burned the office to the ground.
Four months on, and we’re back. We have a new office and a new, can-do attitude. We’re still finding our feet, but we’ll give it a go. Here’s today’s effort. Enjoy – and give us a five star rating. Go on. This is our 1985.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put it in a microwave until its Bill Withers.
Another one of those, same time tomorrow.