Crap Joke of the Day™ #35

Ah, it’s Valentine’s Day, crap joke fans: a day we all love and adore.

With startling similarity to Crap Joke of the Day™, Valentine’s Day is a great institution devoted to passing pleasing messages to loved ones. And, like this very website, its roots are shrouded in mystery.

Legend whispers of a Saint Valentine (first name almost certainly Dave) being arrested by Emperor Claudius II for performing secret marriage ceremonies for soldiers in the Roman army. At that point, it was illegal for soldiers to marry – it was thought it would make them less efficient killing machines. It is not the task of your humble CJotD team to speculate as to whether marriage makes killing more, or less, likely.

Imprisoned, our romantic hero tried to convert the emperor to Christianity (inexplicably Claude had popped down to cell block V for a chat). This didn’t help, and he was put up for immediate execution. Before he was burned alive – and just because he could – Dave quickly healed his jailer’s blind daughter and sent her a ‘from your Valentine’ card. What a remarkable, giving chap. Certainly makes flowers, a box of chocolates and a card from Clintons seem a little superficial.

Of course, this all happened a long time ago. Some of it may not even be true.

Either way, Dave Valentine’s legend is such that we still remember him today. And here at CJotD we’d like to show our respect with a special crap joke with a ‘relationships’ flavour. And none of this ‘What did the Valentine’s card say to the stamp – stick with me and we’ll go places’ or ‘what do squirrels give for Valentine’s – Forget-me-nuts’ nonsense. Proper stuff.

Like cupid, we aim to please. Enjoy it, rate it, leave a comment.

A bloke’s girlfriend was expecting him to get her an engagement ring for Valentine’s Day, but he got her a helium balloon instead.
It didn’t go down well.

Another one of those, same time tomorrow.


One response to “Crap Joke of the Day™ #35


    Better written…..his valentine gift was a helium balloon…it didn’t go down well.

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