A remarkable thing happened earlier this week. The Crap Joke of the Day™ caretaker – a 67 year old called George who has been with us since the very beginning – headed into work on Tuesday morning to open up our London HQ after the long Easter weekend.
Due at the office at 7am, his train into London Charing Cross arrived early. With twenty minutes to spare before he needed to swing the cast iron CJotD doors open, he decided to have a stroll round the local park. Buying a loaf of bread from a convenience store en route, he headed to Green Park post-haste.
There he stayed for quarter of an hour, throwing crumbs to the starlings, robins and chaffinches of the 16 hectare Royal Park (he refuses to feed pigeons on principle). Breathing in the fresh air stirred his soul, readying him for another day of maintenance at the office.
Discovering that he had lost track of time and was running late, he made a dash for the office, winding his way northwards through London’s busy streets. Still feeling chipper, he merrily twirled the keys to CJotD HQ on his right index finger.
Regrettably – and because his eyesight is not quite what it used to be – he had not brushed away all the breadcrumbs that had collected on his overcoat back in the park. Spotting breakfast from the sky, a large Eagle swooped down and, in scooping up the remains in its razor-like talons, somehow also grabbed the set of keys from George’s fingertips. Before he could react, the feathered beast was gone and, with it, the only set of keys to the office.
Attempts to track the bird back to its lair proved fruitless, and we only gained entry to the office after the capital’s top locksmith had spent three days trying to crack our Fort Knox-esque security. As a result, we were of course completely unable to bring you a CJotD on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. We can only apologise. In hindsight, of course, it was perhaps a mistake not to have had a spare set of keys made.
Nevertheless, we hope today’s storming crap joke will make up for our enforced absence, and that the three we published on Easter Sunday’s bonus edition kept you going in the meantime.
Have a great weekend.
I’ve been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
I only intended to rough him up a bit.
Another one of those, same time on Monday.