Submit a Crap Joke

Crap Joke of the Day™ archivists manage and maintain a store of crap jokes that is full to overflowing. Having what is probably the world’s largest and greatest collection of full-on, roll-your-eyes jokage ensures CJotD editors will have something to work with for the weeks and months to come.

But crap jokes don’t grow on trees. We know there are more out there in the humoursphere: and our joke collection team want to hear them.

Have a crap joke you think the world needs to hear? Well, send it to us and we’ll try and make it an official Crap Joke of the Day™. Either leave it as a comment below or, better still, email it to us here so as not to ruin the surprise for fellow crap joke fans.

36 responses to “Submit a Crap Joke

  1. Did you hear about the depressed runner bean?

    He’s not a pea.

  2. Hi Willzee

    Thanks so much for submitting your joke! That, truly, is a crap joke. Will fit in perfectly to a future CJotD.

    Keep them coming!

    Crap Joke of the Day™ editorial team

  3. I went to a restaurant, and really could have eaten a horse.

    But I stopped after the mane.

  4. Pingback: Crap Joke of the Day™ #28 | Crap Joke of the Day™

  5. Have you ever noticed how the United States is always defending themselves… In other countries.

  6. what do you call a cow with no legs…… ground beef.

  7. My partner and I can`t decide who to deliver our baby, we`re having a bit of a mid wife crisis.

  8. Declan Monaghan

    two tv ariels get married on a roof top-

    the wedding was a disaster, but the reception was excellent.

  9. John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.
    – “Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say ‘well done’?”
    – “I can’t thank you enough, sir,” replied the waiter
    – “I hardly ever get a compliment.”
    (by tonysqrd.com)

  10. Charlie Hartley

    I’ve just been arrested for forging bank notes. Luckily I had a crisp £35 note on me to post bail.

  11. Never think you can’t work in a baked bean factory. You can.

  12. Oh and this one; http://midgetgems.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/flagging/
    PS. I wish to make a complaint: You say your jokes are crap but I keep finding them funny. Please stop it.

    • Hi H

      Thanks for your contributions – they are great additions to the CJotD community. Our links team will see about the best way to link to your fine site.

      We apologise that some of our jokes area little bit too much good, and a little to little crap. We’ll do our best to improve.

      Regards

      The CJotD customer relations team

  13. Have you heard Ice Tree’s new single.

    It’s called “everyday I’m russeling”

  14. I followed a man down the street shouting ‘Lamp! Lamp! Lamp!” I noticed he had a very badly pronounced limp.

  15. Apparently, changing your facebook password to 14 days is ‘too week’

  16. Couldn’t even lift a bottle of water the other day. It was an evian

  17. why did the baker have brown hands? because he kneaded a poo

  18. I hate women getting worked up about men making fun of periods….it’s such an ovary action

  19. why are the cows in yorkshire always the happiest?

    because they get their huddersfield

  20. Andrew Bailey

    This is C/O the Late Peter Tinniswood
    Man 1: Can you smell Gas?
    Man 2: No.
    Man 1: Neither can I, quite a relief isn’t it?

  21. What do you call a Judge with no fingers?

    Justice Thumbs

  22. My good friend Sam who was weaned on crap jokes came up with this. It always gets a stifled guffaw and a roll of the eye’s whenever I tell it.

    Why’s the Devil sacred of going bald?
    Because there’d be hell toupée

  23. Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Because it was dead.

  24. I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.

  25. Q. Why should you not wear Russian underpants?
    A. Because Chernobyl fall out.

  26. crapjokeofthefortnight.com

  27. Janet Jones

    1) I bought a rocket salad yesterday for my lunch. But it went off before I could eat it.

    2) My friends are concerned that I have become addicted to drinking brake fluid. BUt I have told them. I can stop at any time.

    3) SEVENTY QUID for a pet spider from the pet shop. Sod that, I can get one cheaper off the web.

    4) I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it might be a good Korea move.

  28. What do you call an indian with pink hair?
    Ghandi floss 😄

    hahahahh TROLOLOLOLOLOL xxxxxx

  29. Crapjoke, crapjoke, where for art thou?

  30. What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
    Doug
    LOLS

  31. How do you tell one end of a worm from the other? Stick it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart!

  32. A chicken and an egg are having sex. After they are finished, the chicken rolls over and says “well…at least we know the answer to that one!”

  33. Irish headline: “Cork man drowns”. Apparently his name was Bob O’Long

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